everyone is single if you try hard enough
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I smell like Dick and happiness
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
