I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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