I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
