and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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