OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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