my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
