her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
