Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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