3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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