We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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