Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
