Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
