dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
