im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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