Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
