I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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