just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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