Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
