another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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