you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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