Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
50% drunk capacity currently
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
