dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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