he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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