Church boner. Awkwardddd
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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