her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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