can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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