So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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