So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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