Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
