Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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