dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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