We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
