i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
