Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
