And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
