I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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