some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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