she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
