I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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