Ambien. No doubt about it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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