so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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