we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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