just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
