Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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