There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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