You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
