it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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