I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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