i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
