do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
