Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize