She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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