bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
