what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
