Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
