Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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