Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
