Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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