billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
