Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
