worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize