I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
