i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
