i think my tv is drunk
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
