Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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