I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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