i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
