he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
